Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Sleep, where art thou?

I know, I know... 'a consistent sleep pattern is one of the best tools to help deal with a mood disorder.' In fact some might say having a regulated sleep schedule is the most important thing.

Well unfortunately I've never acquired skills in the field of slumber. I don't think I ever even napped when I was younger.

At the moment its 6:00am, I've yet to fall asleep... how am I not tired?

Sometimes when I can't sleep, this immense sense of discomfort washes over me, capsizing me with each swell. Its frustration, its sadness, hopelessness, agitation, anxiety... not just in my mind, I feel these things throughout every inch of my body; my extremities shaking, skin crawling, temperature rising, the pace of my breathing and heart rate quicken. My thoughts seem to uncontrollably turn against me, proving to be worse backstabbers than a group of catty teenage girls. Regurgitating every memory of even the faintest failures/embarrassments/mistakes, it overtakes me, consuming my mind and body with such a negative presence its nearly impossible to escape.

I fend it off though. I breathe. Four counts in, six counts out. Four in, six out. Four, six. Four, six. Four, six-- the above^ lessen as I keep breathing. Unfortunately this is only a temporary solution, I return to the stress state pretty quickly, so I breathe all over again Four counts in, six counts out. Four in, six out. Four, six. Four, six. Four, six. 
And Repeat.

Just to add to things I've injured my shoulder, which results in;

a. waking up every time I move because it hurts
b. needing to sleep in a practically upright position (so not comfy!)
c. the lack of range of motion required to play guitar
...(which is normally what keeps me sane when I can't sleep)

Basically, I'm tired of not being tired... make sense?

^I'm whining. I don't want to be.

So how about this, back to basics and I take one moment at a time, accept it for what it is and remember that I have the power to change the next moment for the better.

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